For my vegan friends out there, I apologize heartily for leaving you in the cold on this one. Although I bet there are some similar carob-scarfing, bulgar-munching fantasies that relate to what’s about to follow. I give to you: the gift of being a total and utter pig.
How did this start?! My holiday indulgences as a child were gummy fruit slices, sugar cookies and those swirly, shell-shaped hazelnut Guylian chocolates (Grandmaman and Grandpapa would always send TONS. Hey, it was the 80s, we were living it UP!).
Then, as I grew older and my palate refined, sweets and candies were replaced with the sophisticated medley of fancy olives (with pits), cornichons, roasted red pepper, antipasti etc. etc. Ohh, how classy, Audrey.
In my early 20s I discovered what my friends and family were raging on in previous holiday parties: cocktail shrimp platters and deviled eggs galore. Brie, Camembert cheeses with vino verde and bacon wrapped scallops. A warning to you, this particular grouping is especially dangerous to indulge in if you think there might be a line for the bathroom at any point later in the evening.
Well, congratulations, Audrey, you figured it out: people love food around the holidays. And it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself to indulge, layer on the blubber for the coming cold months, and not feel terrible about it. It’s a survival mechanism people!
Thursday night I found myself decked out in holiday glory at my company’s holiday party literally eating a wedge of brie like a piece of pizza. Mind you, I wasn’t even aware this had happened until my coworker pointed it out today: “I’ve never seen anyone eat cheese like Audrey!” What? I had a drink in one hand and a tiny little plate in the other. How else am I supposed to eat it?! Unless an alien springs from my abdomen (covered in deviled eggs and cornichons) to help me spread it around on a cracker, that’s how I have to eat it!
So, bowels be damned for the next week and a half. It’s time to indulge! And that’s probably one of the best gifts we can give ourselves: a free pass on a 4,000/cal./day diet.